15 posts tagged “humor”
Not a bad energy policy...LOL
It's very important to have this written down!
New Living Will Form I, ____________________ being of sound mind and body, do
not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan
politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended
on it or lawyers, doctors, and hospitals interested in simply running up the
bills.If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least
one of the following:______a Martini ______a Margarita ______ a Scotch & soda
______ a Gin and Tonic _______a Glass of Chardonnay ______
______ a Beer_______a Steak ______Lobster or crab legs
______ the remote control______a bowl of ice cream
______ the sports page ______Chocolate ______or ______Sex It should be pr-
esumed that I won't ever get any better. When such adetermination is reached
, I hereby instruct my appointed person andattending physicians to pull the
plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.
At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do
their thing at my funeral
Who couldn't want to watch or at least laugh at a song on YouTube with a musical "handle" like "Bongwater"! LOL
Enjoy and have a nice "trip"....
Since I'm a "New Yawker" and I consider Maxine a mentor (sad, but true!), this hysterical retelling of the classic "The Night Before Christmas" is my gift to you all...
Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never
be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO
shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world
is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom
because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which
way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add
character.
Wedding dress $5000.
Tux rental-$100.
People never
stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut,
blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations
are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day
vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.
You get
extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets
to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95
for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never
have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your
clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle
lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of
shoes.
One color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your
legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom
of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for
25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
